I'm curious to those of you with Starz in yer eyes, those of you who want to be the next Julia Roberts, Haley Berry, Brad Pitt...Has it ever occured to you that you would lose your private life? Would you gladly trade in your privacy for fame and money??? How exactly would you feel about camaras threading through the cracks in your fence near the pool where you bathe? Or how about your romances---when they fail they are public fodder...consumed by the masses--by the locusts that both feed OFF you and actually feed YOU...my, how parasitic--even incestual--certainly not normal living. On the other hand...

The money and fame buy the Starz much. They are treated in a special way mostly everywhere they go. The sad thing is when they are not recognized. The has-been actor ranting, "Don't you know who I am??? I'm Johnny Wazzit! I'm big!" For more information, see Sunset Blvd.--Bill Holden at his chest-baring best and Gloria Swanson, ever-ready, btw, for her close-up, Mr. DeMille.

Personally, I would probably end up burning out and dieing young, ala Marilyn Monroe. I would have been eaten alive. On the other hand...

Today we have "Promises" and other assorted resources. Never fear, there's always a mood-elavator here!

Now we have poor, ehe, should I say pitifully skinny Mary-Kate, in rehab for "too much too soon" issues. 300 million should cover the tab. Again, sportsfans, once again indeed, proof that all the money in the world will never buy happiness.

Cliche?

So do tell me why you pursue the dream of stardom and how do expect to go about avoiding the pitfalls of celebrity when you have been granted your wish...

I'm not a celebrity but I play one in my blog.

Well, I could, couldn't I? I could be anyone I like.

I am a soccer mom driving a white Volvo in an upper middle class neighborhood...Rance is a side hobby, nothing more...at least I don't think so...

I am a supermodel that goes by one name only: Innu.

I am the somewhat pimple-faced slightly underweight virgin sitting next to Rance in his mom's sweltering basement in Rochester...

I am a French actor looking for an American "vehicle" to showcase my precious talent. Maybe Rance can get me into his next movie.

I am a feminist/lesbian, recently-wed writer from Berkeley, Ca...I read Rance daily and wonder who he is. My wife opposes this new interest.

I am a bored, 23 year old student studying acting in LA. Completely infatuated with Rance...I must track him, I must! I have dropped out of school and am using student loans to criss cross the globe in search of Rance....must find....

In any case, I've got Rance in my pants...I mean I just now almost got ants in my pants... sitting out here, the sun is still up and the sky is like cornflowers. I was blogging away and the ants started to invade!...

Also here at Blogger's Paradise, back by popular demand, we are serving every variety of margarita as well as offering freshly made tortilla chips, warm from the oven. The salsa is ready for consumption--the week is over, Thank God it's Friday! But then, every day is like Friday...for me.

A Better Buffer Me
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: All the Usual Suspects
Topic: Strait Up or On the Rocks
What's fun about Rance is of course his wit and good-natured demeanor, yet what's telling is his entertaining writing style complete with those great finishes. In my quest to uncover Rance (ok, a few rapid-fire searches and random article-reading one bored afternoon)....(ok, two afternoons, just 2 bored afternoons, perhaps early evenings...never after dusk!) led me to follow another route...if I could find and read some writing samples of "the usual suspects" and compare that to our Rance, then maybe, just maybe--there was hope of unmasking our Superhero. First, I read the screenplay--the Oscar Winning screenplay I might add, Good Will Hunting, which happens to be a movie that I love--and there was Rance! I was surprised to find myself very moved in places that were not moving in the film. I was particularly impressed with how each scene played out on paper like this perfect little vignette --quite professional...and that telltale great finish. Another point for Affleck/Damon/Rance is his love of games. The contests he runs...the little challenges he presents...Mr. Poker Champion himself surely cannot resist the love of games...and life to our Rance is quite a game, no? Next, I managed to find some interviews of Cloony--I couldn't locate any samples of his writing--and within his glib quotes, his very funny one-liners--self-depreciating wit, and intelligence, why there was Rance as well! When I read Rance, therefore, it becomes a movie and I am the director of that movie with the matinee idol of my choosing. These "usual suspects" have taken on an added charm and because of Rance I actually like them more--for Rance has made this A-List actor a human being--a person we think we know. I am not putting my money on Keanu--Sometimes, like, ya know, it's like this...well, he's quite excellent! But is he Rance? I imagine Jim Carrey in a mad professor mode, hair flying, his face in a tense pinch, sitting before his green glowing `puter screen, laughing a diabolical laugh...Concocting this giant farce yet ever in control. There are times I want to unmask the Rancelot--and then there are times I wouldn't for the world. *** Not to change the subject, because as we all know, Rance is a world unto his own--and life DOES go on, after all--I would like to mention that I find the Hollywood babyboom by 40-somethings and then the subsequent weight-watch by the patrolling camera lenses...quite funny, ironic, annoying and invasive. No wonder so many of them adopt or use baby-makers...For example, I had to laugh out loud witnessing the constant pressure and scrutiny Kate Hudson endured in the media to drop the weight she put on with her pregnancy--which apparently was considerable. I felt sorry for her. I wonder if she charged the studio for her team of experts--the nutritionist, the trainer, the yoga instructor, the pilates instructor, the personal chef--have I missed any members of the team? Stylists? Or is that another support system--the stylists, the make-up artist, the hair stylists, the personal masseuse and the traveling chef. Yup, I'd get my ass in shape fast. There is of course that million+ check waiting...There's some incentive--plus, well, radiating health and vitality as a result of the `work' is well worth the effort. Amen. Again, my green eyes are showing. Good for Kate! Three Cheers for the Whole Team! *** As for your ambitious plans for this blog, dear Chinq, I have decided to sober up. Really, the lurching and burping has got to stop. I have decided to turn this lounge into a "Smart" bar where only "Smart" drinks are sold. We will be incredibly Smart together, I hope, and there will be no decapitations tonight. The d?cor will be retro chic, Chinq, I can't wait to deflower the place with a nice smooth "Intellex" made with delicious choline, pyroglutamate and ginkgo biloba extract--straight up or on the rocks. Yum. Until next time, please be kind to your neighbors and keep your minds out of the gutter as best you can.

New Thoughts from an Old Mine
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: The Garden of Suprises
Topic: FYI

OK, so mystery is the thing and anyone who thinks they are playing smart in love and war by *being themselves* is bein stupid. Madonna wrote the book on keeping the mystery alive. I have no doubt that Madonna has found salvation in Kabala but is there something equally creepy about it too?
Is she, like the Jehovah's Witness', going from door to door come early morning Saturday, passing out red wrist bands and a smile...maybe a free cd of
"Madonna Sings Kabala" to the sleepy faces of those who never focus their eyes well enough to open their minds hearts and wallets to the latest in trendy scientology/kabala/cult sudsy bullshit mantras...listen, I went with the yoga but I brake for cults, let me tell ya

Anyone who's been in a cult already knows. Madonna has never done cult so this is her first time at bat. Give it a little more time and we will all witness the pared-down & deeply moving trilogy of interviews from her new loft in the Tribeca complete with tell all and tears and divorce and myriad lawsuit...and later we can read the moving book with options. Yes and she will have an affair with Lenny Kravitz, to the complete and utter dismay of Guy...Is his name pronounced "GEE"? Maybe that would make him more interesting. Maybe Madonna will make a comeback. I don't know why, but her recent tour smacks of "vintage act"...along the lines of say 10cc or perhaps Bread. Why does Madonna bother me, you ask? Madonna doesn't bother me. I love the Mad One and I don't mind saying so. I guess I am jealous, just pissing mad at the world because I don't have the dough to drink Crystal by the keg and snort the best those brazilian little marching men can bring or the loving hands of a talented masseuse in an exclusive day spa in Manhattan...It pisses me off that my kids don't have Burberry rainboots...don't mind me that I want to have all and more...but then, we are all "in process", no?
What strange and damaging influence has Madonna had on the unstable Britney? I see a train wreck beginning to happen. I see one of those little red strings....oh gosh, Rance is still on the brain, haunting in my drunken visions...as I lurch and burp my way from kitchen/bathroom/computer console in the dark...whew...

Rance Id
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Reading Way Too Much, Between the Lines
Topic: Juiced Up
Ok So I am exhausted in my quest to uncover the Rance, I am NOT an obsessive idiot, I might be at the end of the road, giving up, throwing in the towel. Is it George or Ben? Who cares? The mad whale-hunting blogger (Blubbery Bastard)is more interesting these days; apparently Rance's diverting his energies....I guess we are all scaring old George/Ben/Matt/Jim et.al. away with our locust-like behavior. Has anyone seen The Day of the Locust? Well, I guess that's why I chose a life of anonimity. I know that "the business" can destroy people--certain people bring out the locust in others. Look at Courtney Love--again arrested -- this time for attacking a woman at her ex-boyfriends'--same place she was arrested before --Now if that were moi--I would avoid this man's home like the plague. Now she faces jail...all that money, all that fame, even getting some juicy film roles.. "Hollywood Celebrity": she seems unable to handle it, she's cracking. Probably wont get her daughter back--at least not in the forseeable future--the spitting image of Kurt...Have any of you nice folks seen "Kurt & Courtney"? Well, if you have, then you know the film points an accusatory finger at Courtney as the responsible party in the death of Kurt Cobain. The movie is well-done, interviews with Love's father are unnerving, as is just about everything else about the movie. If there is guilt propelling her into a wall, then there's no stopping her. I digress. Our Rance is no Courtney Love. He's not an alcoholic nor has he done a stint in rehab. He's got control. It would strike me that he has some celebrity in his background (ala Rosemary Clooney) to aquire that jaded attitude. Looking through Batman's gimlet eye, one cannot help but be under-impressed with R's take on the whole machine of celebrity. Ben Affleck is a good guess, but his gambling/one-time drinkin days prove otherwise. I don't think our Rance would become a Bennifer. No it's Clooney, he can hold his mud. 'Cept he needs to blogg...the man has a need. Clooney is quite naturally funny and much like Clark Gable, he exudes confidence and a constant underlying joke. The man views life with a twist as does our Rance. But who really knows the true nature of anyone--let alone a manufactured movie idol? The BEST film I have seen in a long time: Monster Such a well-deserved oscar. What a complete and utterly dead-on performance. So many subtle nuances she captured. And though the Charlize Theron we see in the pages of celebrity magazines is flawless and ever-poised, the real person behind the Dolce and Gabbana is an apple-smoking flower-child.